Nail This Mark IV Mentality

 

The Nigerian Shooting Academy (NSA) says if a man holds a gun for a long time, it has a way of affecting his brain. It doesn’t matter if he shoots in the warfront. Or shoots the sparrow and innocent Nigerians across the street. It doesn’t even matter what he shoots - the gun. Or his mouth!

 

As if that was not enough, the International  Asylum for Fixated Ex-militarymen (IAFE) based in Geneva has come with its own verdict.  It says old military men with low brain power are usually the worst affected by the syndrome. In fact, the sufferers, it says, always see themselves in power - looting and maiming. “They always imagine - in the low state of mind - that they are the  only ones with capacity to steal from the public funds. Hence, they hate the idea of allowing civilians to learn the trick,” the body said in its latest report. Consequently, they always insist that one of  them must remain in power. So he can protect the interest of the clan. It’s called ‘Mark IV Mentality.’ For remedy, IAFE recommended a French therapy called ‘prison.’ But let me warn that NSA and IAFE do not have NAFDAC number. So their views should be subjected to security screening in the Senate. I suppose David Mark would do a good job of it – since he heads the Senate Committee on Police…Oh, leave the outcome to Mark’s conscience. And nosy reporters!

 

Reporter: Extinguished Senator…

 

Senator: What did you call me? I am distinguished; not extinguished. No military man is ever extinguished. Unless he is killed in a war. Or dies in a queue while waiting for his pensions. Which is why I insist that some of us must remain in power till the Indian apple do us part. 

 

Reporter: But Sir, you as an expired military man…

 

Senator: What did you call me again? Kai! Did they send you? It must be those my enemies of progress in Benue…

 

Reporter: Sorry Sir, I wanted to say ‘retired’ military man. Anyway, nobody sent me. But some Nigerians argue that you seem to be fixated in your thinking. Just recently, you were the one marking 3^rd term register. We also heard you supervised the distribution of some Ghana –must-whatever  bags. Now, you want only expired, sorry, retired militarymen to always remain in power. Why?

 

Senator: Look, sometimes, I wonder if you journalists went to school. Isn’t it obvious why only military men should rule? Because they have the might. And the guns. So that they can pocket, I mean protect the public coffers. Mark you, it is in the national interest – o.

 

Reporter: Talking about guns, Sir, why are our policemen still stuck with Mark IV in this modern age? How can they combat sophisticated robbers?

 

Senator: Enhen! It is now that you are beginning to ask good questions. You see, one of the reasons I support Mark IV is that it rhymes with my name. Abi?  That gun has a way of deceiving people that our police are armed. Well, in  a way, they are. Afterall, some of them are now armed robbers.

 

Reporter: But they complain that  poor working conditions push them into crime. One of which is lack of adequate tools to work with. Mark IV, for instance. That gun represents ancient ideas – just like your view that only people with military background should rule. Mark IV reminds us of the colonial era. It doesn’t seem to represent what is good anymore. The police want Mark IV changed, so why doesn’t your committee work on that?

 

Mark IV mentality, I heard, takes time to heal. If at all. Take General Yakubu Gowon, for instance. Today, let’s thank God for answering the General’s prayers. But there was  a time political-doctors diagnosed what they called ‘recycle mentality’ in him. (Oh! Experts say ‘Mark IV mentality’ and ‘Recycle mentality’ mean the same thing). 

Obasanjo, one of the experts then, even said something like: “What did he forget in Aso Rock that he is going back to pick?” Yet, Gowon ignored everyone – a typical symptom of the ailment. It was  only when he ate all the dust in his ward in the early 90’s  that things changed. Now, like Johny Nash, he can see clearly. Because he has been praying against the spirit of  ‘Mark IV.’ Suddenly, he can say like a Pope: “I don’t believe in recycling leadership.” That’s what they call ‘deliverance’ in the open-roofed church near my house. When a man suddenly realizes that he’s spent!

 

Unfortunately, they don’t seem to teach that in the military. So, they always want to come back. Why? Because they used the same ‘Mark IV’ guns bought with our money to ‘ro’b us through coups. Now they have more money than us. Our money. So, they can afford to hijack the election boxes, print personal ballot papers. And pay the security to look the other way. How does that translate into acceptability? Or shall we call it ‘democracy of the gun’?

 

When to quit should be a strong course in the military. Check out Sun Tsu and his Art of War classic. Or ask successful gamblers. Those who insist on spiting our collective graves, in the name of perpetrating military men are charlatans. Not democrats. When Senator Waku suggested the return of the military, we called for his head. We agreed he was inciting a coup. So has David Mark. Isn’t that treasonable anymore? Oh, I forgot that we always reward those who subvert our laws. 

 

FROM YOU TO ME

Dear Usoro, you are doing a good job. You are making reading pleasurable. Even  some lazy readers now read The Sun and columnists like you. 

Maduakonam Achuama,Glasgow, UK

"Pius Achuama" <piusachuama@yahoo.com>  

 

Baba Usoro, Ur piece is always a drug that heals many Nigerians.  All the masterminds of 3rd term are already wallowing in the land of the dead.  I am 24 hours ready to contribute for the burial ceremony of the 3rd term bid.  Shame to 3rd term bidders.

Chidiebere C. Okorie

"chidi chris" <manoflaw20022003@yahoo.com>  

 

Usoro, u r a genius. I always look forward to Saturdays to read ur masterpiece.

Linda Ipuole, AKS. 08020849501

Usoro, just finished reading ur ‘New preacher has come to town.” Believe me when I say this, because I read a lot and widely too, u r the only columnist that impresses and baffles me! Where do u get ur inspiration from? Nobody writes the way u do!

Bashir from Kaduna. 08035983130

 

U’re a rare gem. May God guide u so dat we will always read ur good write ups. ‘A New preacher has come to town’ was very good. Keep it up.

John, Kaduna.08028405617

 

UU, thanks a lot for ur objective analysis of issues on ur page. That makes reading the Sun very interesting. You’re obviously making a great impact.

Iyoha Wilson.08027493288

 

Dear Usoro, the interpreter. Has it ever struck you to apply to be the  President’s spin doctor? And the salary might be better than the brown envelopes you are currently collecting to be so destructive and insulting in the name of humor. God help the next President. How long will you give him or her before you unleash your venom. By the way, where were you during Abacha’s era?

Williams.08027450876

 

Usoro, u made my day with ‘A new preacher has come to town.’ Baba to us was speaking in tongues but ur interpretation exposed the preacher as confused.

08028403908

 

Your column of June 3^rd reminded me of the old NTA series – ‘Icheoku’ – and the Igbo interpreter. Pls, kindly send your CV to Baba for the post of SA on Public Affairs. You will articulate the policies better than FFK and with humour too. So that Baba can conduct  a peaceful  power transition without acrimony from the media and other Aso Rock occupancy seekers. May you get the job. Amen.

08036581004

 

St Matthew just acting a script. Who says there’ll be election in 2006? Politicians will be disappointed  for God’s elect will rule

Ola Agboola, Lagos.08033473133

 

Usoro, you add salt to injury. Why rubbish an already humiliated St Matthew?

08058034273

 

• First published in Saturday Sun of  June 10, 2006