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Thomas Crooks, The Trump Shooter, Is A Nigerian!

  Thomas Crooks Thomas Crooks was just an ordinary guy until he listened to his overtaxed brain.  Brain: Do you know you can be famous? Crooks: How? Brain: By attempting the infamous!  So, Crooks picked his father’s AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle. He listened to his confused brain again and headed to a rally nearby. Minutes later, he did a crooked thing by firing at Donald Trump!  Crooks wasn't a known professional crook. But he obviously had a enough crooked mind to store explosives in his car and home.  Yes, the Trump shooter was one man. But his name, “Crooks,” gave the impression of a multiple negative character. His crooked act and plans probably justified the addition of letter “s” to a his name, making him one but many crooks! Crooks’  “crooked shot missed Trump by an inch. Thomas Crooks was probably so crooked that he couldn't think straight. But thank God he couldn't shoot straight, either. Otherwise, the world would have missed a daring, straight...
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Senate, LG Autonomy and Born-again ex-Governors!

 




The hall was filled. Curious journalists chatting animatedly. Then, the  senators strode 

in, dragged by the resisting wind trapped in their flowing agbadas. Well, some tried to look smart in their well-pressed suits. 


Soon, it came to light. The Nigerian senators were united in their newfound quest for local government freedom. Yes, you heard that right. The very same fellows, many of whom are former governors, who once hoarded local government funds like dragons hoard gold.


It’s shocking how we suddenly turn “activists” the moment we leave political offices. Some of these individuals, during their gubernatorial reigns, kept local government funds securely tucked away in the vaults of state/local government joint accounts. So, is Charles Dicken’s miserly character, Ebenezer Scrooge, now trying to give a lecture on the virtues of Christmas generosity?


**Senator A (Former Governor):** "Gentlemen of the Press, we invited you here because many of you say there is hunger in Nigeria. 

Well, you would be given something later. Just help us to polish our story well. We may be pretending but we want Nigerians to believe that we are serious woman beans, sorry human beings. Let me give you a quote: 

 ‘It is imperative that we grant our local governments full autonomy. They must have the freedom to manage their own resources’."


**Senator B (Former Governor):** "Indeed, my esteemed colleague has spoken well. The days of centralized control are over. Local governments must be able to chart their own destinies."


**Skeptical Journalist):** "Wait a minute, Extinguished, sorry, Distinguished Senators, weren’t you the same persons who, as governors, ensured that local governments couldn’t even buy a pen without state approval?"


**Senator A:** "Ah, but that was then! We must embrace progress, and progress means autonomy."


The irony here is so thick you could cut it with a rubber knife. These are the same political titans who, not too long ago, preferred to control local government purses with a grip tighter than a boa constrictor. Their previous stance was that local government autonomy was akin to handing a teenager the keys to a new sports car. Now, they sing a different tune, extolling the virtues of letting local governments steer their own ships.



But hey!  What brought about this sudden epiphany? Did these former governors experience a Saul-to-Paul conversion on the road to the Senate chamber? Or, perhaps, they attended a secret conference on: “How to Love Local Autonomy” hosted by a foreign dignitary during one of their frequent travels. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the allure of being seen as champions of the grassroots.


**Senator B (Another Former Governor):** "We must decentralize! Local governments are the backbone of our democracy."


**Another Skeptical Journalist:** "But, sir,  when you were governor, didn't you once say that local government autonomy was a recipe for chaos?"


Senator B: "Ah, my young friend, wisdom comes with time. We are wiser now."


In the world of Nigerian politics, motives are often more layered than a rich puff pastry. Could it be that these senators are eyeing another run at local government funds, but from a different angle? Or are they simply trying to reinvent themselves as the saviours of local governance to win favor with the electorate? After all, nothing warms the heart of a voter like a politician who’s seen the light.


Watching these former governors now don the mantle of local autonomy advocates is like watching a fox lecture on poultry safety. It’s a masterclass in political gymnastics and a spectacle of dramatic proportions. 


**Senator A (Former Governor):** "We insist that we must give power back to the people! Local governments must be free!"


** Yet Skeptical Journalist:** "Free like they were when you controlled every kobo of their funds?"


**Senator A:** "Ah, yes, but that was different. Now we understand the true meaning of autonomy."


As we watch this grand performance, popcorn in hand, we can only marvel at the sheer audacity and adaptability of our political leaders. The push for local government autonomy is good. But coming from those who once wrote the book on central control?


Will this be the start of a genuine transformation, or just another chapter in the ever-entertaining saga of Nigerian politics? Only time will tell. But then, will the current governors allow the autonomy to “come to pass”? Story for another day!

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