Thomas Crooks Thomas Crooks was just an ordinary guy until he listened to his overtaxed brain. Brain: Do you know you can be famous? Crooks: How? Brain: By attempting the infamous! So, Crooks picked his father’s AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle. He listened to his confused brain again and headed to a rally nearby. Minutes later, he did a crooked thing by firing at Donald Trump! Crooks wasn't a known professional crook. But he obviously had a enough crooked mind to store explosives in his car and home. Yes, the Trump shooter was one man. But his name, “Crooks,” gave the impression of a multiple negative character. His crooked act and plans probably justified the addition of letter “s” to a his name, making him one but many crooks! Crooks’ “crooked shot missed Trump by an inch. Thomas Crooks was probably so crooked that he couldn't think straight. But thank God he couldn't shoot straight, either. Otherwise, the world would have missed a daring, straight...
Oh man, was I ever gloomy Thursday morning. Even the shower didn’t lesson my mood. Worse still, I had to drag myself to work. I can’t remember the first person who greeted me that morning. I think I had the misfortune of running into one of those cheerful early morning people, who obviously go to bed at 7 p.m. and bounce up wide awake. But what got me really pissed was the funny greeting that I should be “happy” in the New Year. Somebody was again wishing me to “shmile” through another year, even when it hurts!
But I can’t fake a smile or happiness. I’m no contestant at a beauty pageant. Not that I don’t like being happy. The reality is, since I became old enough to think for myself, the traditional refrain of “Happy New Year” has never done any magic for me. Yet, typically human, we keep hoping and wishing. Not minding that in Nigeria, wishes remain, well, wishes.
The only people whose New Year would be linked with happiness are those clowns who call themselves our leaders. It’s easy for a year to bring happiness if there’s money. But ‘no amount’ of empty wishes brings joy to a depressed mind. No matter your power to “cast, bind and loose,” a poor, harassed Nigerian appreciates a “cash donation” more.
Really, I see nothing to be happy about this 2004. Yes, I’m alive, but a walking corpse, like most Nigerians. Year in, year out, volumes and decibels of Christmas carols and preachments are churned out. Where have they led us? Except that it has made Obasanjo a funny-looking choirmaster. A jester, in fact. And our legislators have become richer, with seasonal allowances.
There’s nothing to show that 2004 would be better than the past five years, since Obasanjo became our cross. Already, he has topped the fuel prices again, with his tax that would benefit only a few. I need not be Pastor Tunde Bakare, Prophet Olabayo or Parapsychologist Okonzua to know that this year would be as gloomy as ever. The “star” didn’t lead us to a “saviour.” The “wise men” must have misread it. The April 2003 election was the “star” that was to lead us to a sensitive, responsive and humane leader. But it was blown out of the sky. Now, we remain in the dark.
Hence, I predict, there would be road accidents, this year. Call me a prophet of doom, if you dare. But the reality is, ditches in the middle of the roads are bound to bring accidents. I foresee many people dying – of curable ailments and hunger. Because there’s no food, no medicine in hospitals. More pensioners, many that are destitute and unpaid workers would drop death in the streets. Unemployment would visit more homes. Already, Obasanjo is sacking many this year. And the environment’s still not conducive for private sector expansion drive. More businesses would be grounded. Flood and El-Rufai would destroy more houses. Now that we are back to the Abacha years, fire accidents would increase as we store up scarce fuel for the rainy day. And NEPA’s epileptic power supply would destroy more of our electronic gadgets, while we pay more for not using its energy. Striking teachers would send our children home. Certainly, Obasanjo has no intention to keep any agreement with ASUU, NUT, SSANU, NASU, etc. And there shall be no more opposition in NLC. By this time next year, our minister of Words, sorry, Works (if he’s still there) would try to convince us on why the Eastern roads would still be undone. I can go on and on and on, like ABBA. But the crystal ball has turned black!
So, I would rather somebody wished me an “Unhappy New Year.” I would then be reminded that I have to “eat” my sweat with no time to stop to pick my teeth. I wouldn’t be surprised if I see hardship at my doorsteps. Afterall, some of us are now on first name basis with the fella. We are not neighbours. We share the same bed and go everywhere together. Hardship is our companion. In fact, it’s our guide and government. For, it directs us on what to do and what not to. It helps us to calculate our moves, with our meagre resources.
So far, there’s nothing to show that there would be respite this year. And, perhaps, the only thing “new” about this 2004, is the change of calendar. Is there anything like new hardship? It may increase in measure, but it certainly won’t be new. So, we’ve no option but to brave for the gloomy days ahead!
- First published in Saturday Sun of Jan 03, 2004
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