Obasanjo Strikes Gold (Medal)

I know how you feel. Hurting so bad inside. Anxious, frantic and even as confused as Isa Mohammed. Only you can’t find Iyabo Anisulowo’s  rosy cheek to slap. Or that of Emmanuel Bwacha. Or any other politician’s, for that matter. Not even Obasanjo’s.  It’s killing because you probably have tried what Baba(lawo) said would be a palliative to your frustration, but it didn’t work. Remember that Obasanjo asked you to punch his photographs anytime you’re angry? Well, have you tried it? Anyway, if it doesn’t work, then you probably hit the wrong “spot.”

 

 The lawmakers have since taught us that no amount of picture bashing can  attract “attention” like a public, political slap. Besides, your “oppressors” are as arrogant as a peacock, a fuel attendant and Iquo Inyang (the House of Rep member who slapped Bwacha). So, I understand how frustrating it can be,  waiting for what would never come. “Pallia-thieves!” Sounds like the name of a pill, doesn’t it? Anyway, it’s worse counting down to a strike day you know no form of. Especially, as it reminds you that the government can’t protect you from “thieves.” Soup thieves, fuel thieves and thieves in public offices, etc. 

 

Last week, one of the very few times I read newspapers with my eyes open (I’m used to reading my palms), I came across a disturbing issue: Labour and civil societies are kicking off another strike on November 16. Already doctors in UCH, ABUTH, LUTH are on strike. “We have been completely emasculated and systematically dehumanized,” they told God in big grammar – as if God has just returned paying Tony Blair a visit. Nurses in psychiatric hospitals stopped work recently, and one mental patient sat alone in the ward singing the bed to sleep. Teachers in Air Force secondary schools all over the country are on strike. 

 

Now, I’m not even the president, but I was disturbed. And, I’ve been trying to reach General Olusegun Obasanjo all day, but his phone only has network within Aso Rock,  a voice said. Really frustrating! How can the poor masses ever get to the heart of their leader? Even if we manage to appear on TV or write in the newspapers,  one “total idiot” said Baba only reads a book called, “This Animal called Man.” Then, sleeps with another one called, “Playing Deaf and Dump,” a bestseller written by the late General Sani Abacha – under Stella’s pillow. In the evenings, Baba reportedly only reads his photographs and that of his First Lady in Government House newsletter. Then,  he studies his features in an NTA bulletin; smiles at the lady newscasters, then blames God for refusing to make him “beautiful.” It’s a daily routine, unconfirmed sources said. Again, attempts to confirm all those allegations, as we always say in the media, proved abortive.

 

Anyway, waiting for strike this time around isn’t easy. Not that Labour didn’t give enough notice for us to prepare, but I can’t seem to find my wallet. Not that I had any, anyway. I was only trying to remember if I had money anywhere. My wife said I had some in the “cash book.” Well, there are books all over  the house but none with “cash.”  

 

You see, I’m confused again. What you have been reading so far has not really reflected the headline. But that is hardly my fault. It’s not really easy to “sufficiently identify” anything these days. For instance, just as the police failed to “sufficiently identify” James Onanefe Ibori, Obasanjo has failed to identify the problems of Nigerians. And the police have shown us that once you can’t identify the “problem,” you can never solve it. When you have about three James Iboris – a truck driver, a governor and one of no fixed address – there can never be a conviction. No amount of committees, panels, interim reports, final reports and finally final reports would do the magic.

 

But take heart, for no matter what our enemies might say, Obasanjo has a war medal. Not the one from Congo. Yes, the one he got from major oil marketers – for conquering us on their behalf. Well, in the spirit of “if you can’t beat them, join them,”  we - the members of the Oppressed Patriotic Citizens (OPC) of Nigeria hereby award  Stella’s husband a gold medal. He deserves it, forget the Transparency International. You see, if that body had used “home grown transparency” bamboo sticks and not “yardsticks,”  we would have won another gold, internationally. But that is not important, anymore. We can do without them, especially now that Obasanjo has shown the world that a president can record a hundred strikes in a regime. Very easy. Just increase hardship, then play tough!

 

I have been thinking. The guy who said the only “constant” in life is change was too much in  a haste. In Nigeria, the only “constant” is strike. There may be changes like Obasanjo’s Ankara, but strike is now our democracy dividend. I agree, though, that change is change. Bad or good. We “changed” from military to civil rule; Abacha/Abubakar to Obasanjo. Bad to worse; life to death. The only consistent factor has been our “progressively deteriorating” poverty. Hence, leaders of the anti-poor regime deserve more awards as we  review the national honours list in preparation of another strike. GCE,  GCFR, OBE, ECOWAS, AU, ECOMOG, NITEL, NEPA, NPA, etc. And the highest titles in creation, earned only by Mobutu, Idi Amin and Lucifer: “GSH” (Grand Supplier of Hardship or Greatest Sadist in History)!

 

Since Obasanjo got to Aso Rock, he has recorded more strikes than George Bush’s second term votes. Everybody, including the security agencies, has gone on strike. Except government houses. June 2000, January 2002, June 2003, July 2003, October 2003, February 2004, June 2004. And now…Nov 16, etc. All linked to fuel price hikes. And each time, they threaten to mass-sack workers for joining the strike, forgetting that 70 per cent of the population comprise non-unionised, self-employed artisans. Like my neighbour’s goats, who only source food from a nearby  waterleaf garden, for survival. 

 

Each strike, my grandmother leads petty-traders group on a long protest trek – even though she only stops at her parlour door because of arthritis. And my village head, a rural rich, leads the protesters from there to his wife’s beer parlour. One feels the pain in the leg, the other in the stomach. The other thinks of her heart, the other his pocket. Still,  it appears each time Obasanjo succeeds in pushing the people to protest, he wins a gold medal. It’s as if he strikes gold with each labour action. Maybe he does, for after each strike, he increases the fuel price again.

 

Anybody who compares Obasanjo with Abacha should be flogged to dead with a straw. Or shot dead with a water gun. There’s no room for comparison. One gave us a chance to invent a local stove and name it after him; the other only bores us with last minute, insincere dialogues and “cushion” palliatives. To make matters worse, the latter gave the assignment to a man whose name sounds like Plateau. Don’t we all know no “palliative” can “cushion” the effect of a fall from Mantu or Plateau? Ask Joshua Dariye, the suspended Plateau governor.

 

 Obasanjo says Nigerians are  tired of work, that’s why they’re going of strike. But that’s not true, for many have been without work since Obasanjo came to power. Again, he “failed to sufficiently identify” the problem. Nigerians are going on strike because no matter how they toil, their take home pay can’t take them home. By the time they buy fuel between N53 and N70 per litre, there’s nothing left for “pure water”.

My only problem with the November 16 strike is that the organizers are now inviting God to join the protest. “We will pray to God to free our land from our oppressors,” they said. They were only lucky Sonny Okosuns wasn’t in town. Or he would have prayed God to punish the street beggars, for oppressing Obasanjo. Anyway, how could the labour leaders invite the police to Monday’s prayer session but would  not invite Okosuns, Enoch Adeboye, Mbang, Aso Rock chaplain and Obasanjo? Aren’t they Nigerians, too? And who would God listen to if those characters are not there? 

 

Still, nobody can take Obasanjo’s place in history, for he’s next to God. He’s a number one leader with a large capacity for strikes. To hell with Transparency-whatever-International, give Baba his well deserved gold, November 16 or not.

 

FROM MY MAILBOX

Double blessings

Hi! As your names are double, so your blessings are. More grace to your elbow. I always have fun when reading your column.

  "abbas tex" <abbastex@yahoo.com>  

 

Okosuns ready to change?

I commend your writing because you add glamour to it. I read your piece: MY PASTOR IS A DEVIL'S ADVOCATE. I hope Okosuns is willing to change for the better. Is he a hungry man or another Femi Fani-Kayode, who criticised Obasanjo and later turn to his praise singer(defender)?

Anyway, another question is: What is wrong with Gov. Daniel and Osoba; leaders of Afenifere and AD? They should stop cleaning their dirty linens in public. Wishing you the best always!

CHIKA .S. EBEKU,SURULERE, LAGOS

<chiobioma@yahoo.com> 

 

Go ahead

I read your write up of October 16, 2004 entitled, “Peace is Now

in Pieces”. Please, dear Usoro, keep it up.  Don’t relent on your effort to sanitise this country from the present decay through your truthful articles. 

 "usman yahaya" <yahayus2006@yahoo.com>  

 

• First published in Saturday Sun of  Nov 13, 2004