Skip to main content

Thomas Crooks, The Trump Shooter, Is A Nigerian!

  Thomas Crooks Thomas Crooks was just an ordinary guy until he listened to his overtaxed brain.  Brain: Do you know you can be famous? Crooks: How? Brain: By attempting the infamous!  So, Crooks picked his father’s AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle. He listened to his confused brain again and headed to a rally nearby. Minutes later, he did a crooked thing by firing at Donald Trump!  Crooks wasn't a known professional crook. But he obviously had a enough crooked mind to store explosives in his car and home.  Yes, the Trump shooter was one man. But his name, “Crooks,” gave the impression of a multiple negative character. His crooked act and plans probably justified the addition of letter “s” to a his name, making him one but many crooks! Crooks’  “crooked shot missed Trump by an inch. Thomas Crooks was probably so crooked that he couldn't think straight. But thank God he couldn't shoot straight, either. Otherwise, the world would have missed a daring, straight...

Obasanjo’s Egg-cellent Indictment

  


 

A bull fighter, wearing General Olusegun Obasanjo’s  face and adire, filled  our tv screens Wednesday, October 8. There was no telepromter,  so he didn’t stare at us like on October 1. Rather, with  heavy breathe,  he fumbled through  a disjointed  speech. And when he finished,  he had said nothing.

 

Well, he used phrases we’ve been trying to forget from the military era.  They indicted Obasanjo. He said, “I will be failing in my constitutional duties to the people of Nigeria…”  Hold it there. It’s been long Nigerians knew Obasanjo has failed. Even the PDP admitted it in 2001. And Afenifere said last week that “The president, of late, has become very contemptuous of the people. He has been trampling more and more upon democratic values and institutions, becoming increasingly insensitive to the plights of the poor masses…”

 

If, indeed, that fellow was our civilian president, never mind that INEC elected him, I couldn’t tell. But he admitted that Obasanjo’s “periodic and unsatisfactory price fixing has led nowhere except frustration.” So, why does he insist on hiking prices? I think, it is just to punish us.

 

A preacher once visited   his sick friend in the hospital. When he noticed the hoses going into the man, he knelt by the bed and asked, ''How you doing?'' Mr sick couldn’t talk, so the preacher handed him a pad and a pen. Suddenly, the man died. At his funeral, the preacher said, ''He was a good man. I was there when he died and I have his last thoughts in my pocket.'' He pulled out a paper, which read: ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!'' Obasanjo has been kneeling on our oxygen hoses since he got to Aso Rock. He has deregulated our soup pots. Yet, he can’t fix roads, refineries, electricity, transportation, etc. Shame! 

 

The man on our screens accused Adams Oshiomhole of trying to “attain power through undemocratic means.”  What does Obasanjo know about democracy? Does he ever act like the word exist? In any case, Oshiomhole was elected and is also doing a second term. Oshiomhole couldn’t have “misrepresented government policies to the public” because he is not Obasanjo’s Information minister. Indeed, if government had welfarist and populist policies, it would need no one to interpret to the people. That was an indictment on Obasanjo.

 

He said NLC had not “consulted with the traditional rulers.”  But when did labour matters require traditional counsel? A breach of agreement between employers and employees results in labour problems. Where do their royal highnesses come in?   Besides, if anybody has shown “disdain” for anybody, it’s Obasanjo who, like Afenifere said, has shown nothing but “contempt” for Nigerians. Which is more important – Nigerians or traditional rulers? In any case, do we still have objective traditional rulers, who stand by the side of the people, no matter how strong the whiff of money?

 

Obasanjo’s look-alike(?) talked about “security threats.” That was again an indictment on Obasanjo. He doesn’t pay military men and police their meagre salaries on time; owes pensioners years of arrears; refuses to fund and equip the Police Force to function like a modern-day law enforcer. He deceived the foreigners  here for African Games, when he offered them “maximum  protection and security.” That was a lie and he knew it. How come he has not secured Nigerians, so far? For now, we live each day at the mercy of criminals. Obasanjo has nothing to offer, not to mention protection.

 

 Imagine! He said, “no one ever said fundamental  and sustainable reforms  would be easy.” But who asked him for reforms? Why  does he spend resources reforming  at the expense of the masses he is supposed to protect? In four years, he has wasted our lives “reforming.”  For What? For who?

 

 For ‘them’: Obasanjo has achieved a lot in the last four years. But this is the reality: He has succeeded in destroying our lives. He has debased our educational system. Our hospitals are less than consulting clinics. He has caused so much pain, misery and poverty. The cost-of-living skyrockets. Many have died jobless. He has the blood of many pensioners and strike victims on his hands.

When he told Nigerians to “go about their normal businesses,” he forgot that many have no business.  And how did he expect a harassed, jobless, koboless person without hope for tomorrow to “remain calm”? Pray! When would the “democratically elected (?) government” act in our interest? Nigerians have eyes and are very enlightened,  no matter what one chicken-farmer  thinks. Obasanjo’s idea of democracy so far seems wasp. Perhaps, he thought  it might be as easy as feeding chicks or packing eggs. That is only where he is “egg-cellent.”  Wednesday’s speech (?), we’ll never forget. Because “this animal called man”  indicted himself. What remains is for him to quit.

 

 

Egbo-Egbo:Minority’s  misfortune

 

Somebody is out for Justice Wilson Egbo-Egbo’s  head. But at what cost? Last week, the judge was suspended by the National Judicial  Council (NJC). The  same body that commended  him a few weeks back for  using a legal means to solve a political  problem.  By sending him home,  is the council then admitting error? If it does, then all the members should also go home for they are guilty of the offence they have judged Egbo-Egbo.

 

Soji Oye, PRO of NJC said Egbo-Egbo was suspended because of the Ngige case. The Ngige camp had been calling for the removal of Egbo-Egbo. They insisted that the man was biased in their case. But what really has Egbo-Egbo to gain or lose if one “chief priest” remains the governor of Anambra State?

 

Egbo-Egbo  is a sacrificial lamb. He is punished because he’s from the minority; nobody to fight his case at the top. But even his detractors agree  he’s a fine judge. It takes a fearless judge to handle heady political cases involving about nine governors in April 2003 alone. Now, who would handle those controversial cases the Chief Judge of the Federal High Court runs away from?

 

If indeed the judiciary must be independent, we need bolder, dedicated, fearless Egbo-Egbos. But by bowing to Ngige’s wish, their lordships do not cherish their independence. 

Egbo-Egbo could have dodged those controversial cases, but would not shirk his responsibility. If he made a mistake, signing what he never ordered, should he be disgraced even when he corrected the error before harm? Must one error overshadow a multitude of fine qualities? 

 

Judges are prone to mistakes. That is why there is provision for the “Flip Rule,” for them to correct their errors, even in the Supreme Courts. 

 

Really, if anybody should go home, it should be Chris Ngige, for desecrating the office of governor. How can a man who swore by what the Christians consider fetish rule a Christian state with objectivity? He signed many documents. Then lied, lied, and lied again that he didn’t. Eventually, he admitted and was reinstalled. But is he not afraid of the anger of the gods he swore by?

 

 

 

  • First published in Saturday Sun of  Oct 18, 2003

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE UNIVERSITY OF TOILET TAXATION!

Tower of Ivory! It was innovative. It was groundbreaking. But, it was shocking! The announcement took many students by surprise. They were still grappling with the many academic challenges, only for the HOD to drop a bombshell that morning. The department was introducing a new course: “Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies." The hall went silent - pin drop! Then, everyone started talking at the same time. Confusion! But, the head of the Political Science Department kept a straight face. Then, he tried to explain that the course would equip the students with “the necessary skills to implement effective sanitation policies in life.” The course outline included: Introduction to Toilet Taxation; History and Evolution of Sanitation Tax; Nigeria’s Public Sanitation Policy Since Independence; Advanced Extortion Techniques, etc. The HOD added that there would be practicals, where the students would contribute N100,000 each for the actual construction of toilets. “An effective toilet syst...

BECAUSE OF TAPSWAP, SHE DROPPED HER PHONE INTO SOUP POT!

In a small, cluttered living room, a girl furiously taps on her phone, while her boyfriend paces back and forth. He seems agitated. "Babe, when that money comes through, what’s my share?" The girl doesn’t look up. Instead, she taps some more. "Can we talk about this later? In fact, can we wait until I actually get the money? You know, before we start planning to spend it?" she says. The boy stops and glares at her, indignantly.    "But I’ve been supporting your tapping addiction! I deserve my cut!" he says. The girl sighs in frustration. She has been distracted and just lost a few seconds on the timer. "Supporting? You mean sitting there, watching TV while I tap my fingers to the bone? Or is it the nagging?”  "Nagging? It's called (im)moral support! I’m motivating you! Just tell me how much I’m getting!" She continues tapping with one hand as she strolls into the kitchen to stir the soup on fire. But, as she slightly turns to talk to the...

Thomas Crooks, The Trump Shooter, Is A Nigerian!

  Thomas Crooks Thomas Crooks was just an ordinary guy until he listened to his overtaxed brain.  Brain: Do you know you can be famous? Crooks: How? Brain: By attempting the infamous!  So, Crooks picked his father’s AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle. He listened to his confused brain again and headed to a rally nearby. Minutes later, he did a crooked thing by firing at Donald Trump!  Crooks wasn't a known professional crook. But he obviously had a enough crooked mind to store explosives in his car and home.  Yes, the Trump shooter was one man. But his name, “Crooks,” gave the impression of a multiple negative character. His crooked act and plans probably justified the addition of letter “s” to a his name, making him one but many crooks! Crooks’  “crooked shot missed Trump by an inch. Thomas Crooks was probably so crooked that he couldn't think straight. But thank God he couldn't shoot straight, either. Otherwise, the world would have missed a daring, straight...