Tibunu: A Coffin For Us All!

Once upon a “clock”, in a land called Nigeria, where the sun shines free and the politicians' promises are as plentiful as the grains of sand, there lived a man named Tibunu. 

Now, Tibunu was not your average Joe. Some say he  was a master of political maneuvering, a magician of sorts who could say “abracadabra” and  money disappeared faster than you could say "corruption." But others say his magic transformed Lagos from a forest to a bush.

Anyway, one day,  the king of the city passed on. And Tibunu played a little game on the Nigerian people. He said the gods of the land named “Emilokan” had ordained him to lead. Meanwhile, like a faking pentecostal pastor, he was the only one who heard o. Still, nobody expected what would happen next.

On the first day of his crowning, Tibunu, a Yoruba chief, pulled out a horse-whip labelled “hardship” and started flogging the Nigerian people. But the people of Nigeria, mainly politicians in power, hailed him as bold. 

 Next, he waved a magic wand (which suspiciously looked like a wad of cash) and announced that “fuel subsidy is gone”. He didn’t bother to explain where it was going but many clapped like “mumu”. 

Two days after, everyone woke to the interpretation of “gone” to mean that fuel prices would be increased on a daily. They now defy gravity! "But fear not, my dear citizens," Tibunu proclaimed with a twinkle in his eye, "for this increase will only bring us closer to economic prosperity!"

The Nigerian people, bless their hearts, tried to make sense of it all. "But sir," they cried, "how can we fill our tanks when the prices keep going up faster than a politician's promises during campaign season? How are we supposed to get to work when filling our tanks costs more than a month's salary?"

Tibunu merely chuckled: "Why drive when you can trek?" he quipped. Again, he waved his wand, this time announcing an increase in electricity tariffs. "Ah, but you see," he explained with a smirk, "this increase is for your own good! It will encourage you to conserve energy and embrace the joys of candlelit dinners and moonlit strolls. It will also help to preserve our cultural heritage - like the local kerosine lantern."

The people scratched their heads in confusion, wondering how they were supposed to boil water with firewood and charcoal. They can no longer cook jollof rice, as a bag of rice now costs a half-year salary. But Tibunu had already moved on to his next trick: Cybersecurity levy! 

Within days, inflation spiked. With a flick of his wrist, he made prices soar higher than a kite on a windy day. Well, even in their hardship-weary state, the Nigerian people shouted so loud against the cybersecurity-whatever that Tibunu had to retreat with that. For now.

"Oga sir," the Nigerian people protested, "how are we supposed to afford the basic necessities of life when inflation is running amok?"

Tibunu simply shrugged and replied, "Ah, but my dear citizens, inflation is the spice of life! It adds a little flavor to the economy, like sprinkling salt on a bowl of garri. We need humble citizens. Hardship makes people humble!”

And so, the Nigerian people found themselves caught in Tibunu's web of tricks and illusions, struggling to make ends meet while their pockets grew lighter and their patience  thinner. 

As Tibunu's antics continued wreak havoc on the economy, they appeared like a deliberate coffin for Nigerians. A never-ending cycle of absurdity and hardship. With each new day, the situation grew more surreal, like a twisted game of economic roulette. The odds  always stacked against the average citizen.

But amidst the chaos and absurdity, the Nigerian people, resilient and resourceful as ever, refused to be defeated. Instead, they shared jokes and memes, m turning the Tibunu-induced pains into cheers!