Who Named Akwa Ibom ‘Land of Promise’?

I fought with my editor last week. Hell, I was mad. The fellow questioned my “understanding” of certain words but he was wrong. Right then, I was “sitting”. If he accused me of lack of “undersitting,” I wouldn’t kick. Anyway, how he expects all of us to understand all the “big, big grammar” from latter day politicians is what I can’t “understand.”

 

Well, I’m not the only one accused of low mental capacity. In fact, for weeks now, the “common man” in Akwa Ibom has gone with that label. In advertorials  (that left me a bit confused) in some newsmagazines by Akwa Ibom Professionals Forum (AKPF -purportedly based in United Kingdom and the United States of America) even the government’s (mis)understanding was exposed. And since I learnt to read “Udo Baraikang” very early, though in a night school, I hereby attempt an interpretation of the article to my mates in AKISLU – “Akwa Ibom Indigenes Suffering from Lack of Understanding.” AKPF claimed: “Akwa Ibom people cannot count the dividends of democracy that have accrued to them under Governor Attah …” Interpretation: How can you count what you can’t see? Abasi mbok! If there’s nothing to count, you can’t count, silly! 

 

If that piece was meant to boost government propaganda machine, it did the opposite. Like using a mosquito net to prevent cold. An indictment that was supposed to be a “congratulatory message”.  A good satire. Ever heard of nourishing poison? I hereby declare the writer wanted. If he has a face and shows it, the first person to “catch” him would become Eagles’ No 1 goalkeeper. And AKPF should be “annulled” for suggesting that Akwa Ibom paramount ruler, sorry, governor’s achievements are only verbal. “We should ignore critics who say Colonel Abbe did the project when he was the military governor. After all Abbe forgot to add ‘international’ to the name of his own golf course” – it said. Meaning:  Attah does not deal with the “local” problems in his state but hangs onto the illusion that everything can acquire high standard just by his say so. Like achieving so much by merely adding the word “international” to the old Golf Course at Nwaniba. 

 

If I ever find the guy who named Akwa Ibom “Land of Promise”, I’ll wring his neck for our misfortune. There may not be much in a name, but some clowns are really taking advantage of that tag. Why didn’t anybody think of “Land of Fulfillment”, for instance? Where things could be “actualised” for a change. Now, we end up getting only “promises,” “pledges,” “assurances” and other empty words that only increase our expectations. 

 

So Attah reportedly spent “a meagre” N2.8 billion by April last year on Independent Power Project (IPP)? About three months back, I was in Uyo, as one of his guests. We were supposed to be shown “projects” but we saw mainly “sites”. And the Governor’s aides discouraged us from visiting the IPP site because “there is nothing to see”. But AKPF believes the IPP has given all the communities light. No hard feelings. I don’t expect the writer to stay in USA or UK (if actually the body exists there) to know that the IPP has only two turbines. It needs six to work. So, no authority can “hasten and commission it to shame critics of the governor.” Meaning: Despite the commendable effort at rural electrification, the IPP has nothing to do with it. So far, it’s just one of big drainpipe.

 

My teacher once said “distraction” had to do with something interfering with somebody’s concentration. But I’m no longer sure what it means in the political context. So, when AKPF said EFCC probing an alleged fraudulent deal in V-mobile (formerly ECONET) was a distraction, I reached for my dictionary. Findings: Since Akwa Ibom government “concentrates” on nothing there can’t really be a distraction. No matter what critics say, it’s difficult to accuse Attah of concentration. With “attention” scattered in all the areas that may never materialise even in 2015, Attah is more like a juggler. But his aides insist he champions “investment and not developmental projects” – whatever that means.

 

Now, I’ve searched through names of villages in Eket local government, there’s no “Ikot Ibok” (only Ikot Ebok and Ikot Ibiok). Hence, when AKPF claimed that Attah’s N3billion refinery is there, I appointed Saddam Hussien the oil minister. They say it’s of “international” (that word again) standard – creating more jobs. And that “people in the state…only read about scarcity of petroleum products in (sic) the pages of newspapers”. But they forgot to add that citizens also read on the back of protesting Okadamen. Recently, when fuel sold between N70 and N100 in Akwa Ibom, some commercial motorcyclists wore “Fuel is life” T-shirts. Anyway, AKPF said the phantom refinery was awaiting “commissioning” - only in their minds. You see, my parents are from Eket, so I know about this refinery thing. A private initiative by an Ikot Ibiok indigene, it has been reportedly frustrated by the state government. The argument over where to site it has not even been settled! Interpretation: No refinery.

 

Well, the one on “Olympic–size” stadium in Uyo is really curious. The next Olympic is in Athens, so how can there be an Olympic-size stadium in Uyo? No “security reasons” can ever keep a stadium secret - not even the fear of “security breach”. Analysis: The only Olympic-size stadium is in the governor’s office. That’s why nobody outside that office knows the site – for it doesn’t exist. 

 

Despite the ADB water project, even the fountain at the N5million Ibom Plaza gets water from private contractors. In a building next to the plaza, my aunty buys water to run her restaurant.  In vernacular: ADB scheme has no link with “River Attah”. Rather, it’s Okada riders’ appreciation of Attah’s “achievement” on the flooded Uyo roads, especially, Ikot Ekpene Road. The same roads Information Commissioner Patrick Ekpotu boasted last year that before November, would be as smooth as Papa Ajasco’s head. Now, when it rains, even the motor parks compete with the Atlantic.

 

AKPF said Akwa Ibom University is in a campaign office, with a big signpost. Implication: Another “paper achievement”. It was on the drawing board long before Cross River started thinking. Now, Duke has actualised his, ours is still “verbal”! Attah’s own is reportedly the only varsity to offer only post-graduate degrees. Maybe after “thy kingdom” has come and gone.

If I were Attah’s media manager, I would scream thunder and strike those trying to rubbish my oga. Blacklist all of them.  In fact, send them anthrax or phony phone numbers, scaring them to death with the useless story of a telecoms demon. I’d donate my salary to those claiming “international (again?) conferences   and seminars” are going on in an uncompleted “five star hotel” in my backyard – without my knowledge! Abasi akan! Understanding: No star or even firefly activity on that building. Yes, one wing has been roofed but even with the 100 per cent “resource control” money, there’s no guarantee the main structure would be done by December. So, if all Akwa Ibom citizens fail Maths in WAEC, NECO, JAMB, etc exams, we know who to blame. The government has really given us nothing to count.

 

FROM MY MAILBOX

Constancy of purpose

I have been reading your articles and you make me understand how to see the nation the way it is - especially with '' I refuse to be named Patience”.

Remember, it’s only a constancy of purpose that can give wings to our dreams.

Keep the good work going by allowing the flame in you to burn.

"aniekan udoeyop" <okonoeyop@yahoo.com>  

 

Kudos

I appreciate your column but the silence of our

genuine leaders like Prof. Wole Soyinka, Chief Gani

Fawehinmi, Col. Umar is not helping matters on national

issues. Nevertheless, I give kudos to you for using

your pen to correct this government that has anything to offer.

"emmycool busuyi" <emmycoolm@yahoo.com>  

 

I agree with you

I agree with you that this country needs a female president - not the Obj's and the IBB's. We've had enough from them. Indeed, if there's any strong woman in this country who can summon the courage to take this challenge, I would give her a vote.

<nsikanasangaonline@yahoo.co.uk>  

 

You always drive home…

You really know  how to be unserious in treating serious issues. This, I believe, has made it compulsory for me to read your column every week. The Sun (newspaper) readers and Nigerians can't do without your column. Most Nigerians, including yours sincerely, like being in a lighter mood when discussing serious issues that have to do with our country and its citizens. No wonder Nigerians are the " happiest " people on earth. You always drive home your point. Keep it up. 

Nwokolo@hallmarkbankplc.com>  

 

• First published in Saturday Sun  of  August 7, 2004