The Reality Column

Tower of Ivory! It was innovative. It was groundbreaking. But, it was shocking! The announcement took many students by surprise. They were still grappling with the many academic challenges, only for the HOD to drop a bombshell that morning. The department was introducing a new course: “Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies." The hall went silent - pin drop! Then, everyone started talking at the same time. Confusion! But, the head of the Political Science Department kept a straight face. Then, he tried to explain that the course would equip the students with “the necessary skills to implement effective sanitation policies in life.” The course outline included: Introduction to Toilet Taxation; History and Evolution of Sanitation Tax; Nigeria’s Public Sanitation Policy Since Independence; Advanced Extortion Techniques, etc. The HOD added that there would be practicals, where the students would contribute N100,000 each for the actual construction of toilets. “An effective toilet syst...

*Members of the Cows Association of Nigeria Legislative hilarity! Nigeria may be a land of jokes, but few rival  a spectacle of cows dressed in green-white-green. In their numbers, the animals scattered outside the National Assembly, each flashing its green passport and copies of a petition. A few metres from the Three Arms Zone, another set of cows blocked a bank entrance. All armed with documents, they sought to do biometrics for BVN and to open accounts. At the National Identity Management Commission (NIMC), thousands gathered mooing: “We no go gree ooo. We no go gree! Give us NIN (National Identity Number), we no go gree”!  It was another picture of Ajero’s multiple but ineffective labour protests! * Cows taking over… In a land where cows already enjoy more privileges than humans, the recent debate in the Senate over the free movement of the animals increased the comics. Yes, you read that right—cows! The joke started during the Buhari years. It was commonly held then that...

In a small, cluttered living room, a girl furiously taps on her phone, while her boyfriend paces back and forth. He seems agitated. "Babe, when that money comes through, what’s my share?" The girl doesn’t look up. Instead, she taps some more. "Can we talk about this later? In fact, can we wait until I actually get the money? You know, before we start planning to spend it?" she says. The boy stops and glares at her, indignantly.    "But I’ve been supporting your tapping addiction! I deserve my cut!" he says. The girl sighs in frustration. She has been distracted and just lost a few seconds on the timer. "Supporting? You mean sitting there, watching TV while I tap my fingers to the bone? Or is it the nagging?”  "Nagging? It's called (im)moral support! I’m motivating you! Just tell me how much I’m getting!" She continues tapping with one hand as she strolls into the kitchen to stir the soup on fire. But, as she slightly turns to talk to the...