Thomas Crooks Thomas Crooks was just an ordinary guy until he listened to his overtaxed brain. Brain: Do you know you can be famous? Crooks: How? Brain: By attempting the infamous! So, Crooks picked his father’s AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle. He listened to his confused brain again and headed to a rally nearby. Minutes later, he did a crooked thing by firing at Donald Trump! Crooks wasn't a known professional crook. But he obviously had a enough crooked mind to store explosives in his car and home. Yes, the Trump shooter was one man. But his name, “Crooks,” gave the impression of a multiple negative character. His crooked act and plans probably justified the addition of letter “s” to a his name, making him one but many crooks! Crooks’ “crooked shot missed Trump by an inch. Thomas Crooks was probably so crooked that he couldn't think straight. But thank God he couldn't shoot straight, either. Otherwise, the world would have missed a daring, straight...
In a small, cluttered living room, a girl furiously taps on her phone, while her boyfriend paces back and forth. He seems agitated.
"Babe, when that money comes through, what’s my share?"
The girl doesn’t look up. Instead, she taps some more. "Can we talk about this later? In fact, can we wait until I actually get the money? You know, before we start planning to spend it?" she says.
The boy stops and glares at her, indignantly. "But I’ve been supporting your tapping addiction! I deserve my cut!" he says.
The girl sighs in frustration. She has been distracted and just lost a few seconds on the timer. "Supporting? You mean sitting there, watching TV while I tap my fingers to the bone? Or is it the nagging?”
"Nagging? It's called (im)moral support! I’m motivating you! Just tell me how much I’m getting!"
She continues tapping with one hand as she strolls into the kitchen to stir the soup on fire. But, as she slightly turns to talk to the boyfriend, the phone falls into the pot.
In anger, she shouts: "Fine! You get nothing!"
The boy, incensed, flares up and goes out of gear.
"That’s it! You don’t appreciate me. You’re so selfish! I want my fair share now!"
In a few strides, he’s in the kitchen. As he shouts, he slaps the girl in a fit of rage. Unexpectedly, she falls backward from the impact, hits her head on the edge of the kitchen table - and..!
This growing “tapping fantasy” and hope of a windfall is akin to a proverbial Annang man’s daydreams.
"Ah, once I have enough money, I will buy a big palm plantation. Then, when the time comes, I will harvest the fruits and sell. From the proceeds, I will buy a white Raleigh bicycle. Such prestige!"
He smiles sheepishly, not knowing he has been thinking aloud, until the son interrupts.
“Papa, when you buy the bicycle, can I ring the bell?"
The man snaps out of his daydream, furious. "What? You want to spoil that bell? I haven’t even bought the plantation yet, now you want to spoil the bell of my expensive bicycle. You are a useless boy!"
"But Papa, I just want to ring the bell."
"You’ll do no such thing!" The man is uncontrollably angry. In that state, he beats and kicks the boy for planning to spoil the bell of his imaginary bicycle. He’s so blinded by rage that he doesn't notice when the son stops struggling. He has fainted!
Inspired by Tinubu-induced hardship, many Nigerians have migrated to a world of virtual wealth. At least, for a short moment, they forget that four tiny tomatoes now sell for N1,000. The almost 40% inflation rate does not affect them in that dream-like state.
Suddenly, everyone is tapping - with fingers and toes and teeth! Mostly, women! On the streets, in the schools, in the churches, in the markets, etc. “Tapping” used to be a Kegites term. Now, individuals and families have adopted it.
We no longer have palm wine tappers; only phone tappers. Some tap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No more morning devotions or good-night kisses. You tap till sleep visits. And you continue in your dream.
Fingers tap on screens now more than on shoulders, towards imaginary wealth. Hardship has driven many into seeking the easier way to survive. Crypto, the nation’s “renewed hope,” has sustained more dreams than mere wordings of Tinubu’s resuscitated anthem!
It’s a digital age and more “wealth-promising” apps are emerging. But the most popular crypto platforms include Notcoin, Tapswap, Hamstar Kombat, Poppo, etc, bringing the phone-tapping addiction to new heights.
People are investing hours in hopes of a windfall, much like the Annang man dreaming of his prestigious bicycle. The obsession with potential future gains blinds them to present realities, leading to conflicts and, as seen, even tragedies.
The absurd tales underscore the folly of our obsession with virtual promises. We never seem to learn. Not done with virtual promises from our politicians, we fall easily for yet another - “typographical millions”! Haba!
In the hurry to get relieve, we hardly stop to wonder if this is not a rebranded scam. Isn’t there a catch somewhere, aside from the burnt data? What makes us so sure that some business wiz will freely funnel millions to our accounts? Why the entitlement to imaginary wealth?
Sadly, we're increasingly engrossed in the allure of digital fortune, neglecting the tangible realities of life. We now tap screens and dream of windfalls. We spend more time daydreaming about potential riches than actually working towards them.
But, hey! Stop! Appreciate the present, forget future fantasies. Virtual riches are alluring, but they can lead to real-world consequences. So, put down your phone, step into the real world, and enjoy the moments that matter.
True! Obsession with potential digital gains can lead us down dangerous paths. So, before you lose yourself planning how to enjoy wealth you haven't yet earned, remember: dreaming is good, but don’t let it lead you down the path of folly!
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